


Detox

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Feels, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pain, Rehabilitation, Rough Sex, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:56:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2437778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto discovers his boyfriends serious dependance on drugs by finding him having a seizure in the shower. Forced into detox by his Doctor, Sasuke and Naruto find out much more about their relationship than how to lead a sober lifestyle. How do you learn to give yourself to another completely? NaruSasu, Mature content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has important significance to me. When I was very young and first in the fan fiction community, a very skilled writer told me I would be better if I write what I know. This summer was very hard for me, as I helped my husband recover from a depilating drug addiction as well fight depression and panic disorder. This story is a testament of my own experiences and heartache, made to sooth my soul with this outpouring of words. This story does not glamorize or fetishize these ailments, instead it intends to educate.
> 
> Rate and review, loves. I really love you guys' feedback, it keeps me going and inspired.

* * *

 

The rehab clinic was awful. It smelled like antiseptic and despair and was freezing to boot.

Naruto sat back in the cracked plastic chair and sat on his hands in an attempt to warm them up. It was crowded in here, and covered in old faux cheery posters with lame "You can do it!" slogans emblazoned across them. The animals in them, meant to be carefree and lighten the mood, stared back at him with glassy eyes that looked the way his chest felt: empty.

No one paid attention to him. Men and women, huddled alone or in pairs, quietly waited. It was easy to spot the addicts, with the way they nervously twitched and uncomfortably shifted from foot to foot. They must be waiting on medicine or for a doctor, Naruto thought. He pulled out his phone and checked it needlessly as an excuse to not look up any longer. He rolled through his picture albums, scanning through photos of his boyfriend's twenty-fourth birthday celebration three months ago. They stood together with his cousin Karin and her boyfriend Suigetsu, all crowded around and lifting pint glasses in the air with smiles. It seemed like ages ago, really. Naruto swallowed the lump in his throat, so lost in thought he didn't hear his name being called.

"Uzumaki Naruto? Is there anyone by that name here?" An orderly asked around the waiting room with a patient, even voice.

"That's me." Naruto stood, and walked across the waiting room. The nurse led him through double doors separating the general waiting area from the hospital portion of the building. Anxiety clawed its way through his chest and settled in his sternum. The nurse left him at the door, and Naruto followed her.

Naruto definitely did not expect the doctor to have a mask covering half his face, nor a thick shock of silver hair. But, he was in a doctor's white lab coat. Raising a golden eyebrow, he gave a puzzled look in the direction of the man.

"Doctor Hatake?"

"Please, call me Kakashi. Take a seat." The man gestured in the direction of the stiff plastic chair facing a large wooden desk.

"Sure." Naruto said as he seated himself.

"And you are Sasuke's…?" Kakashi questioned, letting his words dangle in the air.

"His boyfriend." Naruto answered in a steady and even voice, prepared for a challenge if necessary. It was hard to gauge how others would react to their relationship.

"Oh, I see. I was wondering who you were since he informed us he had no family and you were his only point of contact. How long have you two been together?" The silver man asked and cocked his head to the side, eyes upturned. Naruto figured he was smiling but honestly the mask made it impossible to tell.

Naruto's mind raced, remembering fighting over a rusted, broken down bike in the orphanage playground. Blood blossoming on pale skin as the rock he threw at Sasuke's forehead left a nasty gash. 'Forever.' he thought. What even was life before he saw those dark grey eyes for the first time?

"Years." Naruto said instead.

Kakashi eyed the well built young man from behind his desk. Short, straight, blonde hair peaked out from the hood of an orange sweatshirt. Narutally tan skin almost concealed faint parallel scars across both cheeks. Baggy jeans and worn sneakers sat on his feet, and Kakashi was quick to notice the dark bruise under his left eye, and sighed deeply. Kids these days getting into all sorts of trouble. He felt sorry of this pair.

"I'm going to assume all these bruises on the two of you is something consensual. I really don't have the time to be calling the police, far too much paperwork for my tastes." Kakashi noticed the kid turning slightly red at the cheeks and fidgeted in his chair at the words.

"It is, I promise." Naruto murmured, finding his hands very interesting at the moment. He couldn't look up if he wanted to after that statement.

"You're going to take him home. He's stabilized, but the process of rehabilitation and withdrawing from opiate abuse is going to be severe."

"More severe than the seizure?" Naruto asked. There is no way on fucking earth he could bear to see that sight again.

"No, we are going to give him an anti-seizure medication specially for it. Also, a small prescription for methadone, an opiate substitute. We can't go the route of cold turkey with this kind of situation, the risk of death by heart failure is too great."

Naruto swallowed a lump the size of a lemon in his throat. "How long is withdrawing going to take?"

"Withdrawing, about two weeks total. But rehabilitation to prevent relapse is going to take months. Since Sasuke has good insurance, I'm making visits with a physiologist mandatory twice a week until he's deemed out of the woods. If he fails to attend these sessions, I'm going to mandatorily commit him to a mental hospital until he's deemed fit. Therapy starts five days after detox ends, so that means six days from today. Do you understand?

"Yes."

Kashasi smiled under his mask. "Good. I'm glad he'll have you around to assist with all of this. He certainly hasn't been the easiest patient."

"Tch, I can imagine." Naruto muttered loud enough for Kakashi to hear.

"Here's his prescriptions. You need to get them for him and dole them out dailey. I recommend a five compartment pill container. There should be one for Thorazine, which is an antisycotic medication to smooth out the borderline personality symptoms and stabilize his mood. Gabapentine is the anti seizure medication to help with withdrawals. And methadone, this subscription needs to be highly controlled. Its vial he only gets his daily allotment, any more will set back his treatment. " Kakashi rattled off, handing him a thick stack of paperwork.

"Um, bordawhat disorder? Naruto asked. He wracked his brain but drew a blank.

"Borderline personality disorder, brought on by his severe case of post traumatic stress disorder." Kakashi consulted a clipboard with a substantial amount of paperwork. "Let's see, initial diagnosis of ptsd as a child, but it went completely untreated. Confirmed by another previous doctor at age 17."

"Oh." Naruto was not shocked, given what he knew of his Sasuke's past. He was even less shocked that he had never told him. Sasuke was not one to speak of things he considers unimportant like medical concerns.

Kakashi handed him the prescriptions and a large vanilla envelope with Sasuke's discharge papers. "Intensive outpatient can be very effective. You two seem like smart kids. The brochure for the therapist and detox specialist is in there."

"Ah, thanks." Naruto said as he stood up and took the materials. "I'll take great care of him. He'll be back in five days for therapy, I promise."

"Perfect." Again the masked man smiled another secretive smile, and gestured out of the office. Together they walked down the hallway to the hospital unit.

* * *

Naruto hadn't been allowed to see Sasuke since he had been admitted. Relief swept over him in a huge wave the second he walked into the room. Still, the betrayal of trust by Sasuke resounded in Naruto's heart. It stung painfully, but he pushed it down. Harder to suppress were the images of Sasuke passed out and shaking uncontrollably in the shower, bright scarlet blood painted across the tiles in the early morning light. What would have happened if Naruto had not woken at the sound of that crash? He forced a cheery expression as he saw his boyfriend.

Sasuke's head was swathed in bandages and sitting up in bed, but his expression was positively lethal. His dark eyes narrowed as he looked from Naruto to Kakashi and the considerable stack of paper he was holding.

Naruto sat on the side of the bed, noticing that the IV tubes have been removed and Sasuke was wearing the clothes Naruto had given the EMS' on the way to the hospital. He looked almost fragile, his dark clothes in stark contrast with his skin and pale bed coverings. Lurid purple bruises in the shape of fingers on Sasukes neck and under his right eye made him look battle worn and dangerous.

"How do you feel?" He reached out a hand to brush silky black bangs from his eyes, but Sasuke jerked his head away.

The side eye glanced in his direction would have made a weaker man fall over. "Don't make this worse than it is already, Naruto." Sasuke said, his voice clipped and cold.

Naruto's bright blue eyes glared back with equal intensity and tapped him lightly on the side of the head. "Don't be a dick, you are in the fuckin' hospital babe."

"Yeah, I forgot." The words would have sounded sarcastic but Sasuke had no more fire in him at the moment.

Kakashi cleared his throat behind them loudly, causing their heads to snap up in his direction. " As much as I love watching domestic disputes, you are free to go now, Sasuke. Naruto here has all of prescriptions and information you need."

"Good." Sasuke swung the covers off his legs and made to get out of bed. He faltered slightly and grabbed Naruto's arm in an effort to balance himself. Naruto steadied him as he got his bearings.

"I'll leave you kids to it, then. Hope the rest of the day cars better than this morning, hm?"

Sasuke didn't dignify that with a response as he put on his shoes. Naruto gave an awkward wave and tilt of his head in salute. They didn't waste any more time gathering Sasuke's belongings and getting out of the rehab center as quickly as possible.

"I need a fucking smoke." Sasuke announced as soon as they were outside in the crisp November air. Naruto pulled a crumpled pack from his pocket and withdrew two cigarettes. He lit his own before extending the light to Sasuke. Sasuke bent down and inhaled, giving Naruto a moment to appreciate the sight of the light playing off high cheekbones. Naruto guided them across the parking lot toward where he left his car as they slowly strolled.

"You cold?" Naruto asked, but was already taking off his sweatshirt. Sasuke said nothing took it anyway, pulling it over his thin short sleeved t shirt. Really, Naruto should have chosen warmer clothes when he grabbed them this morning, but one's memory tended to fail when on the phone with the emergency services. The hoodie was a bit too big, but it would certainly do. They leaned up against Naruto's surprisingly mint condition orange Del Sol as they finished their smokes. Silence fell over them, as Naruto was unable to come up with words willing to test the air of the fragile situation. Questions of loyalty and trust wanted to rip from his throat in the forms of harsh accusations, but he bit them down.

When they slid into the car moments later, Sasuke slumped into the passenger seat. He rested his head against frosted glass of the window and stared emptily at the passing high rise buildings.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The question burst forth, unable to be contained. Naruto's voice sounded weaker than he wanted; less accusative than openly raw with hurt.

"…I don't want to talk about it." Sasuke replied, voice soft.

"No! Fuck you, asshole. Fuck you so fucking bad." Naruto shouted, and beat against the steering wheel with a tan fist. "You almost goddamn died you son of a bitch. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm sure Kakashi told you exactly what's wrong with me."

"Stop evading my fucking questions!" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's arm in a bruising grip, forcing him from the window. His eyes burned with frustration as he fought to keep them on the road in front of him. "You don't get to act like a selfish prick, not right now."

Sasuke wrenched his arm from Naruto's fingers roughly, but turned his head to face him finally. "You know everything, Naruto. Whether I wanted you to know or not, what else is left?" he replied, voice detached as if he was calling from a phone with poor reception.

Well. He had a point. Naruto breathed deeply, and tried his best to calm himself. 'Remember how to get to the pharmacy,' he thought. 'Calm the fuck down, Uzumaki. Sasuke's always been a live fucking wire. Who know's when he'll lose his mind and and freak out for real? What then, huh?'

"Tell me when it started", he asked carefully.

"When I got eye surgery last July." Sasuke replied.

Of course. Naruto felt stupid, memories flooding back to the difficult procedure to save Sasuke from a genetic condition that would cause him to go blind. Complications arose, which lead to a steady stream of pain killers. How could he not have noticed? He never even thought to look at the bottle, and Sasuke never gave off any indication he was getting high off the medication nor that he was abusing a revolving script.

"Right. Well, what happened this morning? Why did you have a seizure and pass out, I mean…"

"I had run out."

"Yeah, but that only happens if you were taking like, ridiculous amounts.."

Sasuke gave him a non committal shrug and turned back toward the window. "I was talking about 25 pills a day. It was enough." His voice indicated had no other confessions to make.

"Holy fuck, babe…"

Naruto had felt life altering grief once before when Sasuke ran away at age 13. The guilt of not being able to stop him is almost matched by the feeling of being so unobservant to this situation that had been occurring for little over a year. He felt his heart sink into his stomach as he focused as much as he could on driving as not to cry. That many painkillers? A tear stubbornly fell from his eye despite his effort to contain it. He pulled into the parking lot of the pharmacy and killed the engine, resting his forehead on his sterling wheel.

"Naruto." Sasuke voice seemed disembodied above him. He reached out blindly, grabbing Sasuke's hand and forcibly laced their fingers together. He lifted his head and gripped Sasuke's chin harshly with his free hand and forced him to stare into his eyes.

"Look, Sasuke. I'm so fucking sorry." Naruto said seriously.

Sasuke's gray eyes were wild and panicked, an animal caught in a snare. "For what?" he asked, keeping his voice level as he maintained eye contact.

"I should have noticed. I should have paid more attention. I know I'm so busy with the restaurant opening and everything. I didn't mean to neglect you." Naruto fingers gently stroked his pale cheek, and Sasuke visibly shuttered. "I am never going to let anything take you from me again. I love you too much. I need you."

Sasule shut his eyes. "Stop, just stop." he sounded desperate, but anything was better than that detached voice Naruto despised. "You didn't, you didn't …"

"I did, I did. And we are going to beat this together, and we are going to be ok. I fucking promise on both of our dead parents souls we will." Naruto pressed his lips to Sasuke's in a surprising tender kiss, felling cold, chapped lips respond to his after a moment of initial shock. He pulled away just as gently, pressing another kiss to the tip of Sasuke's nose.

Sasuke breath choked in his throat and Naruto knew he was capable of speaking no longer. Sasuke didn't know how to vocalize his emotions properly, but it was ok. Instead, Naruto held the black haired man so tightly to his chest his fingers must be leaving bruises. He always emoted enough for the both of them. Eventually, Sasuke stopped struggling in his arms and relaxed, chest no longer heaving. For the first time that day, Naruto felt in control. He could do this, be the strength. They would defeat this.

* * *

Naruto had never been happier to be inside of their dilapidated apartment. Bags of medications in hand, the two of them plopped down on the worn sofa with their shoes still on. Sasuke turned the tv for background noise while Naruto propped his feet up in Sasuke's lap and sparked up a fresh joint laying on the coffee table. They spent the next half hour in exhausted silence, sharing the smoke and responding to emails on their cell phones. Naruto busied himself with contacting his second in command at his restaurant, Kiba. He hated to be away from his business, but he already had today off unwillingly. Might as well take the whole weekend since today was Friday.

"You in trouble with work?" Naruto asked.

"No. I finished that code days ago. Just checking to see if the client updated the case." Sasuke replied. Since he worked as a back end application developer, most of his work could be done from home. 'Thats the one good thing in this fucked up situation,' Naruto mused.

"Gotcha. How do you feel, S'uke?"

The dim overhead lighting washed Sasuke out as he titled his head to face him. "Pretty Bad." The bandages around his head were still firmly in place. He looked absolutely exhausted. Naruto could only imagine what his own face looked like. Probably still had lines around his mouth from the scream he emitted this morning.

"Let go to bed, hm? Those meds will wear off soon.." Naruto said, smiling warmly.

"Ok." Sasuke stood and waited for him to put up his phone and come too. It was those little vulnerabilities of Sasuke's personality that really struck Naruto. He would die before admitting it, but he didn't want to be alone. It was knowing these quirks of Sasuke's personality that he revealed to no one but him that warmed Naruto's heart where words did not. Who needs words of love when gestures were all the same?

Tomorrow true detox would start and he would need to remember these things.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys. This chapter took me WAY TOO LONG because I got a job and then was traveling quite a bit. I've been in a little bit of a writing rut, I hope getting this out there will ease that feeling away. All this shit about the last is getting on my nerves so bad that I hope I can churn out some good new work despite it bringing me down!

The dead weight of Sasuke’s arm smacking him across the face woke Naruto from his near sleep state with a start. Irritated, he pushed the arm away. The light from his phone next to him informed him of the time: 4:37 am. Naruto stretched, feeling the exhaustion of the previous day cling to his bones, yet his mind remained uncomfortably awake. Feeling stilted under the thick bedcovers, he sat up and pushed them off of his boxer clad body. He propped his head up and opened his phone to play his favorite dungeon siege game until he fell asleep again. 

 

Sasuke tossed about next to him, illuminated in the glow of the city lights throughout the open blinds. The ugly plastic hospital bracket still circled his wrist as both men were too tired to look for scissors to remove it. Naruto highly doubted they owed a pair of scissors. Naruto sighed and ran a hand through his hair as he watched his boyfriend thrash around in his sleep. He wondered how bad the nightmare was, tonight. It didn’t matter how much time passed between nightmares, they always returned to haunt their bed and force slivers of distance between them. Usually Sasuke calmed and slept through them, but he couldn’t lay awake and watch Sasuke convulse in discomfort right next to him. He flipped on the small lamp on their nightstand. 

 

“Hey, hey, wake up.” Naruto whispered, shaking Sasuke’s bare shoulder roughly. Sasuke felt slightly hot to the touch, covered with a sheen of cold sweat. 

 

Sasuke’s eyes shot open, wild and dark as he jerked away. His chest rose and fell rapidly. Naruto gently stroked his hair, moving the damp strands away from his bandaged forehead. Sasuke hands gripped Naruto’s forearm in a hold tight enough to bruise. His breath came in erratic, deep pants. 

 

“Naruto?” Sasuke gasped out, voice sounding unsteady. “Naruto, what…”

 

“Yeah Baby, I’m here. Everything’s ok.” Naruto murmured. “It’s just me.” He carefully ran a finger up the ridge of silver rings on the shell of Sasuke’s ear. Sasuke closed his eyes to the touch, catching is breath. The grip lessened on Naruto’s forearms before he hauled himself up and away from Naruto’s caring hands. Even in the dark, Naruto could see Sasuke’s hands shake slightly. 

 

“Why are you shaking?” Naruto inquired, worried. Had he forgotten to give him the right combination of pills last night? He quickly wracked his tired brain, sorting candy colored pill containers in his head. He could have sworn Sasuke took all five night time pills only a couple hours beforehand. 

 

Sasuke ignored the question and shook his head. “Where are my glasses?” 

 

“What? Why?” A surprised look crossed Naruto’s weary, scarred face. 

 

“I’m going to go read.”

 

This early? Don’t want to go back to bed?” Naruto asked in surprise, and gestured at the expanse of bed next to him. Honestly, it was the most comfortable and warm spot in the apartment. But Naruto had ulterior motives: he honestly felt terrified that something would happen if the other man happened to be out of his sight for an instant. The anxiety clawed throughout his chest even as he actively tried to squash it down. An image flitted across his mind of red, red blood in the shower and he tried just as quickly to squash it away. 

 

Sasuke shook his head as he pawed throughout the nightstand drawer. Finally he extracted a pair of thin black frames. “No. You go back to sleep. I’ll be in the living room.” 

 

Naruto silently watched Sasuke stumble to put on pants and the same borrowed orange hoodie from yesterday. Naruto didn’t miss the gesture, even in the dark, of Sasuke unconsciously craving comfort even while he pushed it away. The blonde flopped back onto the bed, pulling a pillow over his face. It’s too early for shit like feelings. Within moments, he was fast asleep. 

 

* * *

 

 

Six hours later, Naruto awakes to the sound of retching coming from the open bathroom door. Jumping out of bed as if electrified, he quickly navigated throughout piles of laundry to the attached bathroom.

 

Jesus Christ, Sasuke looks like shit. Naruto felt immediately bad for thinking it, as there was hardly ever a time when the dark haired man didn’t look perfect, but damn. Sasuke wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, the glare on his face from its perch over the rim of the toilet bowl marring his elegant features. Hair a mess, red rimmed eyes watery with the force of vomiting, with his skin is taking on a vastly grayish pallor, Sasuke had physically never looked worse. Naruto grabbed the listerine bottle from the messy countertop and knelt next to him.

 

“I feel fucking awful.” Sasuke said, his voice raspy.

 

Naruto’s brows furred in concern as he watched Sasuke gag once more over the commode. He poured out a small amount of mouthwash into the lid and held it out. “Ugh, I’m sorry…here. Wash your mouth out, Sasuke.” 

 

Sasuke said nothing but took the makeshift cup and did so, closing his eyes as he swished the neon blue liquid in his mouth. Naruto reached behind them and turned on the shower tap. Instantly, the small bathroom filled with the calm sound of rushing water and began to fill with steam.

 

“Let’s shower, yeah? It’ll help you feel better.” Naruto said, feeling helpless to do anything more but actively trying to do something, anything, to help.

 

“It won’t.” 

 

“Well, it’s can’t hurt. We could both use one, yeah?” Naruto stepped out of his sleep pants as Sasuke stood, firm look of distaste across his face.

 

“You should have let me fucking die yesterday, Naruto.” Sasuke retorts, taking off his glasses and flinging them on the bathroom floor. He pulled the bandages off his head, revealing a stitched up gash about two inches long. 

 

“Why the hell would you say that?” Naruto asks rhetorically, flinging his shirt off and tossing it onto the cracked tile floor. The air nipped against his bare skin. 

 

Sasuke sneered at him, voice dripping with derision. “Let’s see..I’m coming off of drugs. I’ve killed my own fucking brother. Do you really think my life is worth saving?” 

 

“It was self defense! Shit, Sasuke, there’s always reasons to live! You’re brother ruined your whole fucking life.” Naruto spat out, waving his hands in frustration. “Don’t ever think you aren’t worth it because of that bullshit. And we’re dealing with the drug thing, right now. We’ll take care of it.”

 

“Spare me, Naruto. I don’t need your Jesus complex right now.” Sasuke spat out and weakly stood, stepping under the steaming water. Pulling the curtain back, Naruto followed him in, unable to be deterred. 

 

“Shut up! We’re still talking about it later. You can’t just say shit like that, ok?” Naruto softened his tone, worry palpable in his voice. 

 

Sasuke ignored him, lifting his face to the gentle pattern of the water. 

 

As Naruto watched the water drench Sasuke’s hair and plaster it about his neck, he thought of when they were sixteen. Sasuke grew his hair out then: beautiful, inky straight hair that fell over his shoulders and halfway down his back. Naruto loved that hair, especially when Sasuke allowed him to brush it when they were really supposed to be studying. Until one morning in an angry panic he had hacked it short again with scissors in the bathroom, and never grew it out again. Naruto never asked him too, fearing it would be insensitive to ask, even if he really did find it suited the pale man well. 

 

At the time, Naruto was so upset about the hair he forgot to pay much attention to the fact that Sasuke had smashed in the bathroom mirror with his fist. Small reflective pieces that glittered like scales along with blood on the cheap linoleum floor stood out in memory. He never really thought about how maybe, just maybe Sasuke couldn’t stand the sight of his own reflection. Thinking back upon his young ignorance irked him. 

 

Sighing, Naruto closed his eyes and started washing his hair, pushing the memory back down. Sasuke moved sluggishly in front of him, his fingers shaking as they tried to open the top of the wet shampoo bottle.

 

“Let me, Sasuke.” Naruto murmured, grabbing a pale shoulder and gripping it tight. Sasuke didn’t struggle, but he didn’t lean into the touch, either. He stared at his feet, bangs obscuring his face. Naruto pulled him against his tan chest tight for a moment, pressing a chaste kiss to a fading bruise on Sasuke’s tattooed neck.

 

“Is it ok if I wash your hair?” 

 

Sasuke nodded, and handed him the bottle. 

 

“Thanks.” Naruto took it, squirting a liberal amount into his palms. “I’ll be careful not to bump your head. Two scars in the same place are nasty enough, eh?”

 

Sasuke snorted, titling his head back into Naruto’s massaging hands. “At least you didn’t hit me with a rock this time.” 

 

“Just wait.” Naruto laughed, stepping closer. “Plenty of time to get cha.” 

 

* * *

 

 

It was some hours later into the later afternoon before Naruto tried to bring up any sort of meaningful conversation. It was strange enough for Naruto to have a Saturday off, but weirder still to spend it silently on the couch watching his partner alternate between sleeping, throwing up, and literally sitting in silence doing nothing. Sasuke was an active person, splitting his time between the gym, working on new projects for work, and escaping the city by train in order to take long walks in the countryside. Bored to tears, Naruto mitigated a feud between two food runners throughout text messages, played video games, and tried to read, all of which did not fill the empty void the day had become. Feeling restless, he shot some friends messages on Facebook about hanging out later. As usual on a Saturday, everyone was out and no one responded. 

 

Sasuke sat on the other side of the couch in old ripped jeans and a sweater. He laptop rested against his shins, with the intention of doing work. It wasn’t turned on, and Naruto didn’t have the heart to point it out. The TV was on, but neither of them were paying attention to whatever movie was playing. 

 

Silence got to him finally. “We have to talk about what you said back there, S’uke.” Naruto scooted closer, and pulled the laptop out of Sasuke’s lap to set it on the coffee table. 

 

Sasuke leaned back into the couch, dumping a cigarette into the already full ashtray. “No, we really don’t.” The sheen of sweat stood out on his pale forehead, despite the frigid apartment. He hadn’t put his bandages back on. An ugly pattern of navy stitches decorated the area in their stead. 

 

“I just hate knowing you feel that way, sometimes.” 

 

The simple statement hung in the air between the two of them as Sasuke rubbed his forehead with his hand. 

 

“I know.” 

 

“I have to bring it up. I need too.” Naruto softly demanded. Usually, Sasuke responded much better to demands than questions. 

 

“Why?’ Sasuke questioned, remaining obstinate. He leaned back against the couch cushion, staring at his hands.

 

“Because. Because I need you. I can’t think of life without you.” Naruto said sincerely. 

 

“I won’t.” 

 

“Good. You’re going to be ok, right? Are we ok?” Naruto asked. Insecurity clawed at his chest, unable to push it down. Mood swings were common for Sasuke, but the uneasy feeling from yesterday had been impossible to shake. The desire to want to make everything ok for his most precious person and being unable to haunted every hour of the day. The fact that he couldn’t was crushing. 

 

Sasuke looked at him then, elegant black eyebrows furrowed. “Why would you ask that?”

 

“Nevermind.” Naruto quickly shot back. “What does it feel like? Withdrawing?”

 

Sasuke look was exhausted, but his tone was irritated. “Don’t ask stupid fucking questions, Naruto.” 

 

“Don’t need to get so touchy, Christ.” 

 

In response, Sasuke stood and walked out of the room. Naruto picked up the remote, sighing, as he heard the dull thud of the bedroom door closing. He switched on the TV but couldn't watch it. Instead, he stared at the worn carpet beneath his feet as if it could offer him the reassurance he needed in order to be strong. 

 

It was still only the first day. 

 

* * *

 

 

Into the evening, Naruto’s phone rang with an invitation to go out. Sakura, his old friend from middle school posted an open invitation for an evening at the local pub. Naruto dwelled on the invite, unsure of how to broach the subject with his touchy lover. The last thing he wanted to do was fight on top of the already tense situation. He ignored it for the time being as he crept into the bedroom. Sasuke was sitting up in bed, his glassed beside him and a sickly pallor on his face. 

 

“What can I get you to help?” Naruto asked tentatively, sitting next to him. 

 

Sasuke laughed bitterly. “Nothing, unless you want to go to the ghetto and get me some drugs.”

 

“That’s not fucking happening.” Naruto’s tone was sharp, and harsher than he meant it to be. “I meant food or something, shit.”

 

“Then don’t ask what I need to feel better.” Sasuke glanced at him, grey eyes sharp. “I can’t eat anyway.” 

 

“You haven’t eaten all day. I’m making you something anyway.” Naruto asserted, standing. “Soup?”

 

Sasuke sighed deeply. “Fine.” 

 

Naruto left, pulling the door shut behind him. Cooking would help him feel better, it always did. It was why he entered the culinary arts in the first place, because the concept of making something delicious from nothing always struck him as an unappreciated art. Owning his own restaurant had been his dream since forever. Honestly, it was more surreal than anything that it had actually been realized. What he didn’t anticipate was the impossibly long hours, exhausting management practices, and mitigating fights with young inexperienced employees. It was like herding cats, only those cats had chef’s knives and the power to drop scalding hot ramen over customers. 

 

Cooking at home was peaceful instead of agitating. Sasuke ate pretty much anything and so did he, allowing for much creative freedom. He set to work making a thick vegetable stew. He cut onions, tomatoes, potatoes and carrots and set them on a slow boil with some leftover broth and spattering of spices. while cooking, Naruto eyed the thick packet with Sasuke’s mental diagnosis, unable to bring himself to open it. The more he tried to ignore it the more the innocent looking package of papers itched to be opened. PTSD, he remembered that weird white haired doctor saying, and the dawns of realization came crashing in like a wave: the nightmares, aversions to having his forehead touched, flinching at the sound of gunshots. Habits that seems so normal to Naruto that he simply filed them away as particular character traits of Sasuke that didn’t warrant much thought. 

 

Feeling rather ill thinking about it, Naruto resumed cooking and pushed the temptation of the packet out of his mind. In twenty minutes the soup was ready, and Naruto was shocked to notice the time had passed so quickly. He ladled a small steaming portion into a bowl and took it back the bedroom along with another full pill container of evening medication. 

 

Sasuke sat up in bed upon entering, and watched silently as Naruto set the bowl and spoon on the nightstand. 

 

“Sorry if I woke ya. I made something pretty light, so you need to try to eat it ok? And I got your meds to, I think this is the last container for tonight, but I might be wrong.” 

 

“I wasn’t sleeping.” Sasuke coughed harshly after speaking, and reached out to grab the pills. He dry swallowed all five at once. Naruto raised an eyebrow, impressed. A joke almost fell past his lips, but he retrained himself in favor of not getting punched. 

 

It was hard not to notice how Sasuke’s hands shook too hard to hold the bowl. A tanned hand pulled it away quickly, setting it back down. He sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled Sauke’s hand into his lap. When he didn’t resist, Naruto started massaging his palm gently.

 

“You are not alone, Sasuke. I’m here with you, I’m always going to be with you.”

 

Sasuke refused to meet his eyes. “Todays been really hard.”

 

Naruto smiled reassuringly. “I know, S’uke. Tomorrow will be much better, I promise.” 

 

“I need to sleep.” The hand pulled away.

 

“Yeah, of course. I’ll leave this here in case you want it.” 

 

“Hn.” Sasuke grunted, running a hand through his tousled black hair. 

 

“Do you mind if I grab a drink with Sakura and Ino? They finally have the night off.”

 

“No.” Sasuke shook his head. “But Naruto, take a jacket, it’s going to be cold out. And get something to eat.”

 

“I will, I promise.” Naruto smiled as walked to the closet and put on his coat.“Take your meds and get to sleep, Sasuke.No hitting me in the damn head like last night, yeah?”

 

“I make no promises on that.” 

 

“Well, you can try.” Naruto leaned down, and titled Sasuke’s chin up toward him to kiss him deeply. It was awkward at first, as it took Sasuke by surprise, but he returned the act with equal warmth. The feeling of opening Sasuke opening his mouth against his always made his stomach flutter, even after all these years. “I love you, you know.” Naruto pulled away slightly, still holding his head up to face him. 

 

Sasuke looked at him intently, brows furrowed in the middle. He looked so earnestly vulnerable, mouth parted slightly. For once, Sasuke didn’t struggle to get away. He held Naruto’s piercing gaze. “I know that, Naruto. You too.” 

 

It wasn’t often Naruto heard those words, but they warmed his heart to the core. It was the only phrase that could ease all the years of loneliness that he had known before those words were first spoken. Naruto’s bright blue eyes softened, and he pressed a kiss to Sasuke’s cheek. “Ahh, that’s my good boy. I’ll see you later.” 

 

Sasuke smacked Naruto in the shoulder at the statement, who failed to doge it in time but laughed anyway despite the pain. 

 

* * *

 

 

Naruto stuffed his hands deeper in his pockets as he walked. The air was brisk, yet reliving after so many hours in the apartment. Christmas lights wrapped around tress twinkled in the night as he walked, even though it was not quite December yet. The sight cheered him considerably as he found his way the the bar three blocks down the street. It was a dive, full or neon lights and drunken laughter, but the drinks were strong and cheap. 

 

Ino and Sakura were already there, holding hands and chatting cheerily over glasses of wine. Their long hair, silver white and bright pink, stood out in the crowd of dark crowned heads. Naruto smiled wide as he approached them, waving as he entered the bar. The noise and familiar smell of cigarette smoke enveloped him like an old friend. After greetings, Ino went off to grab more drinks. Naruto slid in the opposite side of the booth, admiring how nice it was to see her, even in the dim bar light. She was wearing a red peacoat and a compassionate smile, and gave his hand a firm squeeze upon sitting down. 

 

Sakura hated that fact that he smoked on principal as a nurse, yet tactfully kept it to herself. Naruto lit up as Ino arrived with their gin and tonics in hand. Fuck, it was good to be outside, having a drink. His heart stung with guilt as he thought of Sasuke at home alone. ‘I need this,’ He reassured himself. ‘I can’t be strong if I don’t take time for myself too.’ 

 

Sakura’s voice, light and musical cut through his internal monologue like paper. “So Naruto, tell me how the situation is going.” Sakura asked. “I know you told me a little about it last night online, but how is he doing? Is he ok?” Once upon a time in childhood, Sakura had a strong crush on Sasuke, despite his unavailability. The three had always remained close, despite feelings getting hurt. 

 

“I mean, physically, he’s a mess. He’s barfing and shaking and it’s fucking awful to watch.” Naruto paused, taking a long sip of his drink. And he’s not talking to me, he’s being a really withdrawn asshole, honestly, even thought I’m trying to help. But I can’t help at all, and it fucking hurts.That’s saying something because he doesn’t talk too much on the regular, ya know?”

 

Ino and Sakura nodded knowingly. Ino piped up first, testing her words carefully. “I mean, haven’t you guy’s relationship always been… stressful?”

 

Sakura nodded and chimed in. “Like why do you think he’s reacting that way?” 

 

Naruto scrathed his head as he considered it. “He always has. I guess I never really thought about it much, it’s just how he is.” 

 

Ino leaned in, speaking up in order to be heard in the din of the bar. “Do you think he might be scared? What make you get to know him anyway?” Ino, having been transferred from a neighboring police unit only a year ago hadn’t been in Tokyo long enough to understand their backstory. 

 

“i think Sasuke does it because he’s scared…” Naruto confessed, staring at his hands. “I mean, I don’t know, truly. I wanted to hate him, when I met him. I guess I was about nine, and I lived at that orphanage for as long as I remember. And all the girls loved him and so did the teachers, but he was always alone, acting so cool…but I felt he was the only person who could understand me. I mean, that sounds dumb since everyone was alone really, but he was different.” Naruto took a sip of water as the memories flooded back to him. Fuck, it felt good to candidly talk about the past. 

 

Sakura smiled patiently at him, encouraging him to continue. “Was he really cool as he pretended to be? Since I was one of those girls.”

 

“He was until he was asleep, haha. We had the only room of our age group so we were alone, and he would scream in his sleep a lot. I guess thats when we became close, cause I pushed my bed right up against his and never told anybody about it.”Naruto reflected. He took a long sip of his drink. “ I think that’s why, ya know, he trusted me well enough. It didn’t stop us from fighting constantly though. One upping each other and all that. We always beat each other up in public and slept side by side in private, and well, you guys know how it turned out, haha.”

 

Sakura titled her head to the side and let out a musical laugh. “And now you two beat each other up in private and hold hands in public, how times have changed!”

 

“Shut up!” Naruto exclaimed, a hint of red creeping up his cheeks. Ino laughed and tucked her arm around Sakura. 

 

“I won’t tell. Us bisexuals gotta stick together, hm?” Sasukra teased, as Ino rolled her eyes and smiled. 

 

“Right.” Naruto agreed. “But it’s just fucked up right now.” 

 

“How so?” She inquired. 

 

“I don’t know Sakura.” Naruto said somberly, and Sakura notched for the first time exactly how tired her friend looked: Large bags under bright blue eyes, with a stubbled chin. The rumbled dark clothes didn’t suit him either, usually the tall handsome blonde wore bright, well fitted things.“I’m afraid he’s going to try to run away again or something.” 

 

Ino chimed in, tossing a glossy white ponytail over her shoulder. “Naruto, that was ages ago, right? Don’t be silly.” 

 

Naruto shrugged. “Yeah, but I really can’t forget it. It was the worst time in my life, even if it was just a couple months.” 

 

“Look.” Sakura said. “He’s probably not going to do that again. He betrayed your trust right now because he kept the drug thing from you, and that was shitty. But Sasuke’s always done what he wants, and never thought about the consequences much. Honestly, I don’t think he knows how to. And I don’t think he meant to hurt you, he’s always been pretty intent on hurting himself. You have to realize you aren’t the easiest person to love either, though. You two have build up this thing you have for years, you can’t let yourself get discouraged because it’s not working out perfectly right now.”

 

The girls gave him sympathetic smiles, and Ino raised an eyebrow as she spoke. “You both work to much, Naruto. You two need to take some time off.. and not time sitting alone in that dilapated apartment of yours. Do something kind for each other. And try to remember that Sasuke hasn’t had much of a chance to deal with emotions in a healthy way.”

 

Naruto nodded, soaking in the words of reality as a thirsty man drinks water. “You’re right, Ino. See, this is why I need to see you guys more. You two make everything clear.” 

 

“It’s because men are stupid with feelings, you can’t help it. And you two are practically socially retarded anyway. It would be impossible to know you guy’s dynamic if I hadn’t been forced to watch it for forever, forcing you two to stop being stubborn.” Sakura stated haughtily. 

 

Naruto downed the rest of his drink and extinguished his cigarette. “An impossible task, I know. He’s too fucking smart for me, I have no idea what he’s thinking half the time.” He smiled. “Let’s get more drinks, yeah?” 

 

The girls gave him devilishly attractive smiles in return. “Shots all around.” Ino declared, and walked to the bar again.

 

“Naruto?” Sakura gave hims serious look.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You’re just as smart, in the opposite direction. But don’t forget why you two work, because you don’t think like him. He needs that.” Sakura said bluntly. 

 

Naruto raised an eyebrow and considered it seriously. “I’ll try to remember that.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Naruto stumbled into the apartment 4 gin and tonics and a shot or two later. It was dark, and the blonde shed layers of clothing on the way to the bedroom. He decided to forgo brushing his teeth until morning. The thick overcoat came first, then the black pullover that revealed a taut and swirling tattooed chest. His pants came next, disposed of at the edge of the bed. Sasuke laid on his side shirtless in a pair of tight black boxers. Naruto admired his lithe sleeping form, before arranging the blanket over him. Sasuke had a horrible habit of kicking everything off of him in his sleep. 

 

Naruto climbed under the covers, facing Sasuke. He did look peaceful, and Naruto wondered if the sleeping pills were finally regulating his patterns. Naruto kissed his forehead gently. He smelled like shampoo and their sheets and Naruto wished he could kiss him properly, lay him down and show his love with his fingers and lips as best he could until Sasuke smiled and laughed beneath him. That was his favorite Sasuke, the one with grasping hands and a willing mouth sharp with clever remarks. Instead he kissed his cheek, settling his pillow down closer to the other man. 

 

“N..naruto.” Sasuke mumbled half asleep, reaching his hand out. His eyelashes fluttered open briefly, noting the other presence in bed beside him. Naruto grabbed it, holding the hand to his chest. 

 

“Sasuke. I’m home.” Naruto whispered. 

 

“Mhhph.” Sasuke pushed closer, closing his eyes again. He intertwined their fingers in a sleepy instinctive gesture. “Good.”

 

“Yeah?” Naruto kissed the pale fingers, murmuring against knuckles. “I love coming home to you, you know.” He hiccuped loudly. 

 

“Oh? You’re.. drunk.” Sasuke breathed out. 

 

“Sorry… They kept buying me rounds.” Naruto felt a pang of nervousness deep in his chest. “Are you ok? I shouldn’t have left.”

 

“S’okay. I don’t mind.” Sasuke grasped tightly to his hand. “Yeah.”

 

“Yeah what?” 

 

Sasuke didn’t answer. Naruto watched his face intently in the dark, and admired the way the street lights laid patterns from the blinds across Sasuke’s sleeping form. His nervousness abated, he fell fast asleep. 

 

 


End file.
